“Your sex life can be better. But what if it were also... sacred? You are warmly welcome to learn about Tantra - you're worthy and deserving of stepping into YOUR Path to Pleasure!”
- Anne Bland
Have you ever wondered if your sex life could be better - or even sacred? Well, I used to! And this is what brought me to discover the world of Tantra and to become a Tantric Sex and Relationship Coach.
I'd like to introduce some of the insights that I gained over the years so that you too can start living a happier, more pleasurable and more peaceful life.
You will gain a deeper understanding by listening to the first episode of my Tantric Sex for Lovers and Others podcast: What is Tantra?
Before a deep dive into Tantra, I'd like to be clear that I do not have a quick answer to a question: "what is Tantra..." Actually, more I learn about it, less I know about it! However, what I can offer is meanderings, insights, and experiences whilst having been on my own Tantric Journey - both as a practitioner and as a certifed Tantric Sex Coach working with private clients.
And can the sex life be better and sacred? Absolutely!! It should - and it will be. Join the Selfishly Happy Revolution with me and start your own Path to Pleasure!
If you've studied and practiced Hatha Yoga, the Tantric philosophy may feel familiar. After all, they have the same root and origins. Classical Tantra is a philosophy that teaches that there is consciousness in everything, all is one, and everything is Divine and Sacred.
The way it differs from the yogic philosophy, as far as I understand, is that Tantra sees this world as real. This human life is not an illusion and you can make it better and transform yourself - sometimes even in a split second!
Also, you don’t need to wait until the afterlife for everything to be heavenly like some of the religions teach. Your heaven or hell is here and now.
The word Tantra refers to the inner technology that is innate in all of us, irrespective of sexual identity or preferences. It's about weaving your sexual energy with your love and consciousness, i.e., the three Tan Tiens in Chinese Taoist tradition (sacral, heart and third eye), or the seven Chakra system that is based on the Indian traditions.
In both traditions, Tan Tiens and Chakras are seen as energy centres - and interestingly, in modern science they can be linked with the endocrine system.
Classical Tantra was developed 5000 years ago in several Asian countries for people seeking spiritual enlightenment for ordinary people like you and me who had family and financial repsonsibilities. They had no time or an opportunity to retreat into an ashram or to meditate on the mountain top for spiritual purposes.
Neo-Tantra came to the West in the 60-70s and is more about bringing awareness and love into sex and relationships. But no, Tantra is not just about sex, nor is it a synonym for orgies or polyamory!
My professional training and current understanding come mainly from Taoist Tradition of Tantra and Neo-Tantra.
What does this all mean then? To me, it means, that we are all able to use our bodies as a stepping stone for something higher. Sexuality is a primitive instinct that is easily experienced in our bodies. But, what if I told you that it is also your creative force and spiritual energy, and therefore, your secual energy can be used for your mental and spiritual development?
In Tantra, this is referred to as sacred sexuality. Sex is something to be respected and even worshipped and your body is a temple that needs to be treated with reverence. Hopefully, when I use the word sacred it doesn't put you off. It doesn't mean anything 'woo-woo' or 'new-agey' that wouldn't be applicable to you and me in modern times with rational minds.
Tantra doesn't judge or criticise anything but it transforms everything.
Even though we are part of the whole, we are also extraordinary individuals, and, as such, I believe that our personal Tantric practice should be based on individual preferences. For me it's about listening and feeling into your body and mind to learn what is good for you.
In fact, all the Tantric Sex Tips and Treats that I share, are intended to help you listen to yourself and trust your intuition. Your intuition is very wise. The tricky thing is how to differentiate intuition from your inner voices that can be critical and often very negative.
Tantra to me about the inner dance between your higher consciousness and you being a human. This world is real, your body and mind are real. Your needs and desires are real – and that’s okay! You are not broken whatever you have gone through, and you can always live the best, most pleasurable life you want that will inspire and delight others around you. You just need a roadmap and some delicious Tantric Tools!
I hope this little introduction stimulated your curiosity into the Tantric world. If yes, I'd invite you to listen to this fun and honest episode below.
In this episode, I dive deeper into the philosophy and principles of Tantra and - just because #sexisserious! - I discuss that famous clip from Sex and the City where Dr Shapiro demonstrates a "lingam massage".
You can reach out to me with questions or for personal guidance through my social media channels:
See you on the Path to Pleasure!
Here's a list of things to do to start your own Path to Pleasure:
Realise that you are perfect as you are: you are whole! You're not broken whatever has happened to you or whatever you're experiencing right now.
You are more than your body, mind and emotions. You're also consciousness.
Reclaim the word that you want to call your genitalia. Embrace it! Love it! Celebrate it!
Practice Presence through your five senses.
Subscribe to Tantric Sex for Lovers and Others for more pleasurable inspiration!
Support the creation of show and buy me a coffee!
Hi there! Welcome to the Tantric Sex for Lovers and Others podcast with me, Anne Bland, your Tantric Sex and Relationship Coach and the leader of Selfishly Happy Revolution!
Today, we’ll dive into what you’ve been waiting for – and I know that because I get asked this all the time… and that’s why I decided to launch this honest and open, unedited podcast about Tantric Sex.
You may already be curious about it and wonder if your sex life could be better or even sacred.
So, you are here because you want to know… what is tantra! What is Tantra? What is Tantra?
The quick answer is: I do not know… I don’t know.
There’s the left-hand path and the right-hand path, there are the mantras and yantras, darshans and kriyas, gurus, paramparas and pujas – and it’s all Sanskrit to me! Literally.
Classical Tantra is confusing. There are so many different traditions based on the Guru, a kind of enlightened master, and their lineages, their teachings being passed onto the deserving disciples, such as Trika, Kashmir Shaivism and Tantric Buddhism. And it all happened so long ago!
But I do love the philosophy of Classical Tantra: that there’s consciousness in everything and life is decently orgasmic but not necessarily sexual. And that life is not an illusion or that you need to wait until you are in heaven for the life to be good. No, the world is real, you are real. And most of all, Classical Tantra has given us the Neo-Tantra which is more about sex and relationships.
I’m a bit geeky here but I cannot help looking at Tantra in its historic and cultural context but bear with me – we’ll get to the Neo-Tantra and its more sexually explicit side soon. I promise!
The word Tantra means technology, literally. It’s an inner technology. It’s about learning to use your body as a steppingstone for something higher. Sexuality is a primitive instinct to keep the human species alive. But it’s also our creative force and spiritual energy that can be used for enlightenment. Hence, many Tantra practitioners talk about sacred sexuality.
We do know that Classical Tantra existed from 500 AD to 1500 AD in India, China, Tibet and Japan and was part of Buddhism, Hinduism, Shaivism, Sikhism, and Jainism. When they were discovered in the 19th Century, for instance, by Madame Blavatsky, it all got, sadly, a Western religious and moralistic twist to it.
However, just like learning to play an instrument really well, it’s important to understand the basics and the foundation of classical music. I feel strongly that understanding the philosophy and principles of Tantra is important too, and later we’ll get into practice - and into the Tantric Sex Tips and Treats.
If you’ve done Hatha Yoga or even Tantra Yoga or practised Chinese Taoism, you most likely are familiar with Tantric philosophy too, whether you know it or not. All three had the same philosophical origin but later when Tantra was banned in India, Hatha Yoga got separated from it. My own training and current understanding come mainly from the Taoist Tradition of Tantra and NEO-Tantra.
All those years ago, Tantra was developed for people seeking spiritual awakening and enlightenment. The usual route would have been asceticism, meditation, service, and simple life in often a mountain-top monastery, which if you had mouths to feed, wasn’t an option. So, Tantra was a spiritual practice for people who had families and needed to earn their living in the real world.
It recognised that sexual energy is also your creative energy and your spiritual energy. And sex was used as a path to enlightenment, sex was sacred. Now, this for a modern Westerner might sound odd at least and for a religious person even outrageous. But if you stick with me and subscribe to this podcast you will learn more about this beautiful, liberating, joyful, and even ecstatic way of life!
Fast forward to the 60s, and Neo-Tantra was born when people like Osho brought his new ideas of Tantra to the Western world. Some of the teachers then and now have classical Tantra training and some don’t. Personally, I believe both have their place and I always take the lead from what feels good and right in my bones.
We are all individuals. People all over the world are becoming more aware and more conscious – up levelling themselves if you like - and I believe Tantric practice should be based on individual preferences too. Learn to listen to your own body and mind – what feels good to you! And be aware #metoo movement has finally reached the Tantric world and people are speaking out about the grooming and sexual abuse and even rape that can go on, especially in ego-centric Tantra circles.
My Tantric Sex Tips and Treats are all about actually teaching you to listen to yourself and learn to trust your intuition. Your intuition is so wise and is never wrong but it’s different to your inner voices that come from unintegrated parts in the shadow world.
Tantra to me is all about that inner dance between your higher consciousness and you being a human. This world is real, your body and mind are real. Your needs and desires are real – and that’s okay! You are not broken whatever you have gone through, and you can always, always live the best, most pleasurable life you want. But you are not just your body, mind, and emotions. You are so much more. You are conscious, you are aware, and you are love.
If you don’t feel it right now, I encourage you to hang around with me. This podcast is about that too. It’s a healing journey as well. You will tap into knowledge, ancient wisdom, delicious practices, and sexy processes. You will join a community too! We are so much better, stronger, and happier together. This is the thing: you can always survive on your own but if you want to thrive you need other people.
If you are struggling, please reach out. This podcast is not about professional advice, it’s for education, inspiration and hopefully for entertainment too. Contact professional help, call a friend, your mum or dad. You can also contact me in confidence. I’m happy to answer any questions and you are also welcome to explore if we are a good fit to work together.
Taking a deep breath here. I know what’s it like to crash down, burn out and feel like apart from my children there’s no meaning to my life. So, I want to breathe into that awareness and how far I have come. Without professional help, a lot of healing, and the love and support of my dearest ones I would not be standing proud here talking to you about Tantra and how it helped me to find my juicy self, my real calling to talk about the importance of sex and sexual energy and having conscious relationships.
Okay, going back to Neo-Tantra. Neo-Tantra is about seeking what works in modern times instead of keeping it purely based on some tradition or lineage. It understands that the time-consuming practices of the Classical Tantra might not be so appropriate anymore and especially in the West, might feel culturally very alien.
I mean did you ever watch Sex and the City? Do you remember the episode where Dr Schapiro demonstrates a ‘lingam massage’ to them? It’s all giggles and ends badly with spunk on someone’s face. If you’ve never heard about Tantra, that must have been so weird! And why is a cock called a lingam? And pussy a yoni?! Is it easier to disguise these unspoken body parts into some mysterious poetic terminology that doesn’t make semantic sense until sometime? Why are we so ashamed to use the right words? They are either very clinical or then very foreign…
Well, me being Finnish, using either language English or Sanskrit is easy. I don’t have the historical and cultural package of the terms and feel at ease with all those words. I’d invite you to feel into your body which words feel right and which to use. Lingam and yoni might feel good if cock and pussy have in your experience been used inappropriately, coarsely. There is beauty in Sanskrit, something mystical and sacred even.
On the other hand, the time to keep our body parts in the dark and unspoken are now over! We need to reclaim the words cock and pussy and make them beautiful and sacred! And speak about them openly! Speak to them openly (more on that in the later episodes)! So, I hope you won’t feel offended when I use these words - and I will use them a lot! – and find your own words to call your genitalia.
We will also come back to Tantric touch and those massages in later episodes if you are interested in learning more and participating in the discussions!
What I like about Neo-Tantra is that it teaches about sex and relationships more explicitly than Classical Tantra. That’s why I believe that, just like yoga, Tantra in its modern form will become mainstream.
Why? Because we need it. We need to celebrate our sex and sexuality. After all, it is our very life force! Sexual energy creates new life, new worlds! Literally. We need to stop thinking that there’s something wrong with us if we don’t like the sex as it’s presented to us by religion, culture, media, and porn for instance. You are not broken if you don’t orgasm or don’t have a full hard-on or come too soon. You are not in any way unworthy of love and beautiful relationships, and you do deserve to be happy, have pleasure in your daily life and live with joy, energy, and ecstasy!
I see you; I accept you, and I want you to see yourself as beautiful and perfect as you truly are. There’s nothing wrong in you, you are whole.
And my Tantric Sex Tip for today is to feel your pleasure. What I mean by that is to really listen to your body and what kind of pleasure would be the most nourishing, not exciting, but deeply satisfying. It might be slower and more sensual, taking your time, with whatever you do, eating, having a bath, going for a walk, making love or self-pleasuring... It doesn’t have to be sexual but can be. With all your senses tune into your pleasure today. Be aware of what you see, hear, feel and touch, taste and smell that gives you the kind of pleasure that you need and desire today. Because when you are aware of your 5 senses you come back to your body and are present here and now, not in your head, but fully present. And that, my dear listeners, is the sexiest treat of all!
Thank you for being with me today. I hope you enjoyed today’s journey and if you know someone who might benefit from this episode, please do send it to them. If you subscribe, you’ll get a notification about when the next episode, where I will be joining some beautiful souls to discuss their Tantric Journey, is out! This is Anne Bland, your Tantric Sex and Relationships Coach and the leader of Selfishly Happy Revolution.
© 2023 Anne Bland. All Rights Reserved,
Please note that you need to contact your medical doctor if you have health
or mental health problems or if you are concerned about Tantra or breathwork.
Anne Bland is not a medical practitioner, nor a psychotherapist, and this resource is shared as a learning opportunity only.